A small boy in a big world

Do you still remember the first day you went to school? I still do. It was the beginning of many the great things in my life. I was a very shy boy back then (even now am so :) ). Things like the water bottle, school bag and multi-colour umbrella became my first possessions. Having lived my toddler life as a well caressed kid, moving away from my parents even for the shortest second was something that never crossed my mind. I was so attached to my parents that i would cry the instant i lost sight of my parents.

So came the day of reckoning. I didnot know why my mother was dressing me up in those new clothes but I found the greatest pleasure in suiting up with the newly bought apparels. My parents took me to a place they called "school". It was strange to be there in an alien land full of people and other children . [Little did I know then that later I would treasure this place in my heart forever!]. So there I was shy, insecure and curious. As always, I stood behind my mother biting the hanging part of her sari. Entering the school was intimidating to say the least because of the sheer size of the school gate. Now when I'm almost six feet the gate is an ordinary gate but back then, it seemed as if it was HUGE. Then my parents took me to a room, left me there and told me they'll be coming only in the afternoon to get me. I cried the life out of me. When you are a kid, the only people in your life are your parents. So when they said they'll be temporarily abandoning me, I couldn't help it. I had never cried so much in my entire life [when I look back at it]. Finally the teacher pulled me away and took me to another room. The room was full of children sitting in small red coloured chairs and each of them crying their guts out. When your 3 years old, you're not so into group dynamics and politics, and I guess that's why seeing others cry made me feel more insecure. The room was filled with pictures of animals and all kid-stuff but no one seemed to really care. You cry for so long, eventually it is going to stop. So, I stopped crying and started to look around. One of the boys was a gentle kid who didnot cry that much. He came and sat next to me. I don't remember what we talked about but I knew it was the start of something great. He then became my best friend and would be so for all the years to come.

Afternoon seemed like eternity but when it arrived and my parents dropped their idea to abandon me, I was greatly relieved. Life was back to normal, albeit temporarily and I was happy. Day one had ended.

My journey had begun....

Peace Out
G-Man

From Theism to Atheism and Back Again

Hey there folks.... Sorry but my first proper post has taken a very loooooooooong time. As they say "Better late than Never"...

Over the past 6 months or so my belief in God or rather my belief in God's Love has gone through a inverted Gaussian curve. I've always acknowledged the fact that there is a Creator who created all the diverse things we see around us today. However, just a few months ago I started to question the fact whether this "Creator" whom we call God really cares about us or not. Let's say there were certain things in my life that I craved for that didn't go according to plan. Me being as impatient and childish as I am, started to think that God doesn't care about me and I believed that everything was in my hands and in the hands of Lady Luck. One of my friends told me maybe this Lady Luck is God Himself. Although the notion seemed possible, an atheist like my then self dismissed the thought like he calls fate a coincidence. I complained like Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty - "If God really loves me, then he can fix my life just like that..... But he doesn't!". So I decided to do things on my own not in the least bit concerned about God. However, I still believed that you should never hurt anybody or do anything that is against human morality (A concept I am sure God would've been proud of 'coz I didn't look for His reward when I did  good deeds). It is an inconvenient truth that I have not gone to a temple which is 5 kms away from my home for 3 about years now although I'd like to admit it is not my atheism but the age-old human drawback of laziness that has caused this. I took Satan's word from "The Devil's Advocate" to heart - If God gives you what you want - then "Oh! The Lord is merciful.", if he doesn't then "The Lord works in mysterious ways....." .

Thankfully God has given me an inherent quality of self-correction. i.e. If I am following a path that is not right, I will eventually correct myself without anybody telling me to do so. So then I started to see things in a  different perspective. When I was in one of my darkest hours and I was so alone, I felt that there was somebody else or some other force with me, in various forms which I could see, I could hear, I could touch, I could feel. I started to have the "Half-glass full" perspective and then happiness followed me wherever I went. I counted all the  blessings that God has given me and I found that the happiness in my life overwhelmingly outweighed the sadness. There are so many people in this world who are suffering far more than you or me and God has given them so little and still they live life with optimism and are thankful to Him. So there I was, back to being a  believer again.     

In school, a teacher had asked my class "Do you love God or Do you fear God???"... This question had me confused at the time. I didn't know my answer 'coz I wasn't sure. Now I know, there is no point in fearing God. But Love him... Not for any reward that he might/might not give, but for the fact that He has given you whatever He has given you as of now. Know that he cares about you. Even though your life maybe going a rough patch right now, but He will make it right. Maybe God is just a concept, maybe He is not real, maybe God resides in all human beings..... but love him the same.. 'coz if you love God, you love humanity and if you love humanity... humanity loves you 100 times as much......

I'd like to quote a few lines from the Christian Song "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns

"Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours."

DISCLAIMER: To Love God, you don't necessarily need to go to places of worship. You can go to such places if it gives you comfort and satisfaction. Loving God is all about being thankful to Him in your heart and in turn showing kindness and love to other human beings.

And Oh one word before I go to to Satan - " The Lord DOES work in mysterious ways....!"

Peace Out.
G-Man

Voilà.....!

          This is categorically my first post in this blog. The first question any reader of this blog would ask is :

Why is the writer writing this blog?
a. Because he is bored. And writing a blog is the only thing which will give this poor soul a means of adding some spice to his melancholy life.
b. Because there is a  volcano about to erupt in his inherently complex mind and it is looking  for an exhaust to take out the fumes.

Is the writer of this blog so desperately bored that he would take time to pick his bum (which weighs quite much, I can tell you that!) up and then rest it on a chair in front of his comp and let his fingertips keep up with the tremendous overflow of deranged thoughts? The answer is a big YES!!!! As you continue to read  the forthcoming posts, you would understand that I'm desperate in a lot of things at the moment.

Hope you all would enjoy this blog as much as I did in writing it.

Peace Out.
G-Man