Monday, December 7, 2009

From Theism to Atheism and Back Again

Hey there folks.... Sorry but my first proper post has taken a very loooooooooong time. As they say "Better late than Never"...

Over the past 6 months or so my belief in God or rather my belief in God's Love has gone through a inverted Gaussian curve. I've always acknowledged the fact that there is a Creator who created all the diverse things we see around us today. However, just a few months ago I started to question the fact whether this "Creator" whom we call God really cares about us or not. Let's say there were certain things in my life that I craved for that didn't go according to plan. Me being as impatient and childish as I am, started to think that God doesn't care about me and I believed that everything was in my hands and in the hands of Lady Luck. One of my friends told me maybe this Lady Luck is God Himself. Although the notion seemed possible, an atheist like my then self dismissed the thought like he calls fate a coincidence. I complained like Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty - "If God really loves me, then he can fix my life just like that..... But he doesn't!". So I decided to do things on my own not in the least bit concerned about God. However, I still believed that you should never hurt anybody or do anything that is against human morality (A concept I am sure God would've been proud of 'coz I didn't look for His reward when I did  good deeds). It is an inconvenient truth that I have not gone to a temple which is 5 kms away from my home for 3 about years now although I'd like to admit it is not my atheism but the age-old human drawback of laziness that has caused this. I took Satan's word from "The Devil's Advocate" to heart - If God gives you what you want - then "Oh! The Lord is merciful.", if he doesn't then "The Lord works in mysterious ways....." .

Thankfully God has given me an inherent quality of self-correction. i.e. If I am following a path that is not right, I will eventually correct myself without anybody telling me to do so. So then I started to see things in a  different perspective. When I was in one of my darkest hours and I was so alone, I felt that there was somebody else or some other force with me, in various forms which I could see, I could hear, I could touch, I could feel. I started to have the "Half-glass full" perspective and then happiness followed me wherever I went. I counted all the  blessings that God has given me and I found that the happiness in my life overwhelmingly outweighed the sadness. There are so many people in this world who are suffering far more than you or me and God has given them so little and still they live life with optimism and are thankful to Him. So there I was, back to being a  believer again.     

In school, a teacher had asked my class "Do you love God or Do you fear God???"... This question had me confused at the time. I didn't know my answer 'coz I wasn't sure. Now I know, there is no point in fearing God. But Love him... Not for any reward that he might/might not give, but for the fact that He has given you whatever He has given you as of now. Know that he cares about you. Even though your life maybe going a rough patch right now, but He will make it right. Maybe God is just a concept, maybe He is not real, maybe God resides in all human beings..... but love him the same.. 'coz if you love God, you love humanity and if you love humanity... humanity loves you 100 times as much......

I'd like to quote a few lines from the Christian Song "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns

"Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours."

DISCLAIMER: To Love God, you don't necessarily need to go to places of worship. You can go to such places if it gives you comfort and satisfaction. Loving God is all about being thankful to Him in your heart and in turn showing kindness and love to other human beings.

And Oh one word before I go to to Satan - " The Lord DOES work in mysterious ways....!"

Peace Out.